Hey there loves,
Today I’m going to share something a little more personal. How Love changed me, how Love treated me, but most important ‘how the love I experienced created a new me each time’.
Did I love? Did I Adore? Or was I afraid? Up to this day I have no idea, but one thing I know for sure is that I don’t want that first love to be the love I remember. I want to remember the warmth, the connection, the heartbeats, the eye contacts, the profound trust and the best embrace. But each time I go back I also feel the tears, the pain, the sharp disappointment and lies. I was far from perfect, but never did anything with intention to hurt or destroy. Everything I did was from wanting to take care of something so precious, to create the best moments one can remember, to create them tears of joy that touches the soul each time that memory is revisited. Have I failed? Maybe yes, Maybe no but I will never regret the love I gave. I give Love because I feel it, because wanting to give is born in my heart. To create memories for a lifetime, in this case I created lessons I needed to learn from. I love with a depth so deep it is difficult to get there but when the person reaches I gave so much from that love that they will never forget it.
I’m a sensitive person naturally I feel everything with intensity including love. I loved to a point where I was last. Every feeling, every drop of love I poured and poured until I was empty. In the moment I felt love too or I think I did. It was like I was safe and protected against everything. Before I even realized what was happening I was happy, I was genuinely happy, but blinded by my own love. Sometimes I think how could I have accepted that? But it was needed, it was necessary to go trough that to learn. Learn how not to give all of you to a person without considering yourself. But guess what? I did it again, pour all of me into a person until I, Myself was empty again but this time different. A different type of love, a different type of emptiness. I can’t describe it without crying. My heart still aches but it’s open now. Open for more growth, open for new adventures, open for finding myself again. I needed to be lost again but this time different to learn a different lesson. I have grown, I want to recreate myself but this time for me. A time where I am first, I am my biggest treasure, where I can find me but this time keep me.
Will I over love again? Heck Yes! That is just who I am but each time different, each time a different lesson but each time with my same heart and love. My Love will never be perfect because we are not, however my Love will always be pure and with the best intentions. Hurt is real, but so is Love, A kind love, A understanding love, A unique love, The best Love, the Love I dream about. A Love I hope to experience in this lifetime.
If you made it to this point thank you. I hope you find your own type of Love and remember to never give up on Love because I can be a beautiful, chaotic but your own Love.
Take care, Rachel.
Simply Rachel May 
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